Call of Nature
by ndikram24
Summary: You wanna take a shit ?


What is love ? Baby don't hurt me~

No, really. What is love ? Based on my experience(lol), love is an urge to do 'something' with the target. Either that something is kissing, hugging, holding hands, or...well you know it.

Not gonna lie, my stupid version in Mid School wanted to do 'something' to my target. I liked to think "I hope I can...and... with her" or "It would be good if she..." etc.

And I'm gonna lie if I say I don't feel that way now. I still feel that, but not as much as before. I'm a normal guy dammit. But what makes me different from before, is that I know my place. I know that beautiful women are not meant for me. Because I worth more !! Yeah !

In the midst of irresponsible youth, here I am standing proud. I am different. They are having fun ? Here I am monologuing. They are going to mixer ? Here I am reading books. They are doing something with the basis of "Live while we're young" ? Here I am dreaming about Tot...um...studying. Yeah, studying. This going a bit too far from the topic.

Well that's what love is. I don't need to drown deeper to love(i.e. getting a gf) to know what love is. I only need to watch from afar, what people are doing with this 'love' and from that I make this definition.

My focus shift to the sound behind me. It's a barking. I ignore it at first, but there is more sound than that. The sound of the dog's feet running. Shit...better run for my life !

After a few moments running, I finally managed to get out from the dog's sight. That was tiring. What an ugly way to start a day. Is this day going to be a bad day ? Hope not. With that I continue my walk. Oh yeah my bike is on the workshop now. Thus made me walk.

Let's continue about our talk.

Now, the cause of love. The trigger. What is the cause of love ? From where does love come from ? Why do people love ?

Honestly, I have no answer to those question. I once think that the cause is face. Problably because I was ugly. But I've seen tons of ugly people getting whom he wants. So face is a no. Is it money ? Once again, no. Same reason. Status ? Nope. Attitude ? Again, no. So what's the cause of love ?

My monologue was interrupted as I hit my head into a street sign.

"Ouch" well that hurts.

What's this ? This not the first time. First the dog, and now this. I'm only doing my daily monologue dammit. Why do bad things happen after I monologue ?

Uhh, let's continue our talk.

Now you may ask why I was talking about love ? Well, let me tell you a story. This stupid brain of mine, told me in Mid School "She does this and that to you, she likes you. No doubt.". That's what leaded me to confess my crush and get rejected.

And now, my brain use the same method, with a different target. Yuigahama Yui and Yukinoshita Yukino.

About Yuigahama, it's the same pattern. The same one as I had in Mid School. She's a nice girl. But I notice the difference between how she treat other guy and me. This means she feels something towards me. I confidently say that the feeling I'm talking about, is friendship. But apparently, my brain told me it's love.

For the conveniece of your understanding, I'm gonna split myself to 2. Hiki and Gaya. Hiki being the logical me, and Gaya being the emotional/stupid me.

"She loves you stupid, look at how she treat other guy. That means she loves you"

"No, it's just friendship. It's not weird to treat your friend different from the other."

"This is why you are not better than Ichika, you dense mofos."

This kind of conversation between the 2 side of me often happens.

Well that's Yuigahama. But, Yukinoshita ? Are you f kidding me, Gaya ? Well can't blame you. After what happened in the infirmary after the race. Someone is bound to think that the Ice Queen likes himself.

"Knowing Yukinoshita, she should've said "Please get your disgusting face away from me, Hikigaya-kun. I am afraid that your eyes are contagious.", but NO ! She stared deep into your eyes. That means she loves you."

"Hah, you used that technique in Mid School and I am not going to fall to the same hole twice."

"She's different !! She's not like the girl you liked in Mid School."

"Okay shut up. Don't contra me. We are as one. We should disscuss things together and come with the best idea."

"No, I told you she likes you."

Also happens in my brain. And it's seriously bothering me. The only way to stop this civil war,...is to know the truth. Confessing ? No. I've been there before. It was hell. Then what way should I do to know their feelings ? Maybe asking them directly would do.

My train of thought is interrupted by a shout from my back.

"WATCH OUT"

I turn my head to the source of the shout, and I hear a screech of tire beside me. Oh god, am I going to get an accident again ?

I close my eye from fear of getting hit. But the thing I was waiting didn't happen.

I slowly open my eyes and turn my head to see the vehicle. Damn it was a truck. A big one at that. I don't want to imagine what would happen if the driver didn't brake fast enough.

"YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH OR SOMETHING ?" his shout brings me back to reality.

"I...I am sorry" I stuttered.

"THEN GTFO. YOU WANT ME TO RUN OVER YOU ??!!"

I nervously walk away, I have nothing to say. It was my stupidity. Because of this civil war in my brain between Hiki and Gaya, I almost died.

I have to stop this. Imagine if I got hit and died. I bet Komachi would cry like a little baby. Poor Komachi. Just thinking about it makes me get stomachache.

Yeah, I have to know their feeling. If I don't, then the civil war will continue and I will die. I don't want to die ! I haven't taste Totsuka's lips. Ew that's really creepy, Gaya

Okay. It's decided. The order is given. I will know their feelings, today.

*A few school later

Well I said that but I don't know what method should I do. Confessing to them is a no. If I confess and get rejected, I don't think I can stay in the club anymore. And I will lose my friendship between them.

Maybe asking them directly ? The good thing about that is, I can keep my relationship if it comes out that they don't like me. But the thing is, it's really weird ! I mean isn't it weird if someone comes to you and say "Do you like me ?" ?

I got interrupted by the pain I felt in my stomach. It hits something. And that something happens to be the bottom edge of a window. An open window.

Because of the speed I had from walking, my body lean towards the outside. Almost making me fall. But I managed to balance myself.

Okay that's it, that's fkin it. I'm going to ask them directly. I almost faced death twice because of not knowing their feeling. There may be a third time if I delay this. I should know their feeling as soon as I go into the club.

*A few steps later

Here I am, in front of the Service Club. Yuigahama is already inside I think. I told her that I have to go to toilet first.

I open the door and greet. "Yo"

"Hikki, you're late."

"Well I told you, I went to toilet first."

"As from my experience, going to toilet doesn't take that long, Hikigaya-kun. What is it that made you come late ? Is it perhaps because of your--"

"I faced death itself and back in one piece." I cut her off as I sit to my usual spot. And I don't open my book like I usually do.

"Yukinon, I think Hikki don't want to share his reason. Just let him be." I just told you my reason, woman! Well I don't blame you, it's rather hard to believe.

And so, they continue their talk.

I have something else to think, that's why I didn't open my book. I mean, my hands are shaking now. I'm about to do something my HighSchool version wouldn't thought about it ! Should I do it ? What would happen if they reject ?

As I thought it's weird if I suddenly ask them. I should probably ask someone to take my place and ask them.

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea ! Why didn't I think of it ?? Yep, not gonna ask them.

"HYAH"

Why did you scream, O Yuigahama ?

Wait,...it's an earthquake

"Don't worry Yuigahama-san. It's only an earthquake."

"That suprised me !"

...I think this is RomCom god's way of saying "JUST DO IT, IF YOU DON'T I'LL MAKE THE EARTH SHAKE AGAIN TO HIT YOU."

...Well here goes nothing.

"Yuigahama, Yukinoshita..." I called to them.

"What is it Hikigaya-kun ?"

"What's wrong, Hikki ?"

"Do you..."

WAIT. If they don't like me, they'll say no. But if they do like me, will they say yes ? I don't think so. Well I can know it if they do like me by looking at their reaction, but that's not a good measurement. My reading skill is often right but it's not dependable.

SO,...this means I shouldn't do this, because either they like me or not, they'll say no. And I won't know what their feeling is. So I won't do it. Yep

"Yukinon, it's happening again."

"Don't worry Yuigahama-san, the earthquake is not big enough to hurt us."

Okay RomCom god, I get it. I'm gonna do it.

"Do you both like me ?"

There I said it. All of the weight in my chest has been released. This is a pleasant feeling. Now I can die at peace. RomCom god, I don't mind if earthquake happens again and kill me. No, kill me please. I'm not saying I don't mind, I'm saying kill me please. KILL ME PLEASE !

What's this feeling ? I think I've reached a whole new level of embarassment, I want to die.

Silence~~

"W..what are you saying Hikigaya-kun ? P..

perhaps the e...e..earthquake had effected y...yy..your brain ? Do I l...like you ? Hah. Of course n..not. Why w..would I ?" she said as she stood up, which spilled her tea.

"T...that's really g...gross Hikki ! I..I...I...don't like you !! No, I..I...mean I li...like you, as a friend..."

"Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom." I walk to the door as I said that.

*A few toilet stalls later

Finally I'm here in the toilet. Only a man alone with his thought,...and his shit.

Let's analyze.

According to my observation(mostly from anime and LN), there are three sign if a girl likes you.

1\. She blushes when you ask her something about love. Check

2\. She stutters. Check

3\. She insults you. Check

Okay I didn't expect this. I was so focused on what would happen if they don't like me, I didn't think what would happen if they do.

Now what ? Confess ? But their friendship will falter if I confess to one of them. Should I confess both of them and go to the harem route ?

After thinking about 10 hours, I mean minute, I came to a conclusion.

I'll pretend this didn't happen. RomCom god already got what he wanted. I'll continue my life. Everyone's happy.

This is the first time I write. I don't like to write. But I was so bored, I write. Well, the experience is good enough. Spending my whole fkin day thinking of idea is a good experience. But I wouldn't do it again. I waste my whole day thinking of an idea when I usually waste my day doing useful thing.

So g'bye. Makan bang


End file.
